Cora Elizabeth Pape

December 7, 2010 - A Day That Will Live in Infancy

2010-12-08T15:55:00.000-08:00

I was watching Dr. Phil the other day and he said it was time to get rid of my anger - in particular my anger over December 7th, 1941, a day that shook the world and plunged us into the war. I can't imagine the lives of those who woke up that morning to everything that was familiar, all of life's rituals that we take for granted, suddenly erased by the bombings of a nation gone mad. But it's time. Time to let the anger go and forgive a nation. Otherwise, as Dr. Phil says, the anger wins. Hold on a second, mom's sending me an email.

Wait a minute, what the hell is this?

To be continued.

Cora Elizabeth Pape

December 7th, 2010

Daddy's Brain

2010-10-26T21:55:00.000-07:00

As many of you know, daddy turned 50 last month. That's 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10.11.12.13,14,15,50. Every year daddy goes in to the hospital to see if there's any brain activity left, sadly he forgets what the answer is by the time he gets home.

Cora Elizabeth Pape

October 15, 2010

"I Hypnotize Daddy"

2010-09-23T20:33:00.000-07:00

"Elephantitis"

2010-04-06T18:16:00.000-07:00

Hey, look at me!! Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!! I'm a rogue african elephant!!

Ha, ha, just kidding - it's really me Cora. April fool!!!

Cora Elizabeth Pape

April 1, 2010

My Grandma (The True Story)

2010-02-06T12:03:00.000-08:00

It's time to write about another relative. Men are easy - see David Ransom on "How I won the war." Women, however, take a while to open up about their life experiences, but I think I know enough about grandma

(daddy's mommy) to give it a try.

Grandma was born in a little village in New York called Yonkers. In the 1940's a neighbor stopped by and pressed the doorbell; grandma's family was so poor that she leaned out the window and cried "Ding!" The neighbor laughed and quickly hired grandma to write a series of "you're so poor" jokes for Ed Sullivan's "Talk of the Town" column, a favorite being "We were so poor, for dinner my mother read us recipes." While being uproariously funny, the same joke also got her hauled before the HUAC committee where she thought she was going to be in trouble. Luckily for grandma she punched Lillian Hellman in the nose and was awarded the medal of honor instead.

While Ms. Hellman's broken nose endeared her to conservatives, it seriously hampered her new move to the theater. When she adapted "The Diary of Anne Frank" into a musical, grandma drew on her knowledge of poor

jokes to help flesh out the script and bring the much needed laughs. The show was a flop and grandma retired to raise a family. She moved from the town of Yonkers to Florida where they build oranges. In Florida she met Jerry Pape (daddy's daddy) and they quickly had two little boys - daddy and someone else. From there they moved back to New York so that grandpa Jerry could buy the New York Times every day and eat rye bread.

After 30 years of marriage, grandma and grandpa Jerry divorced, leaving grandma to reinvent herself as a figure skater. At night she would attend the theater where, during intermission, she would tell some of her jokes. It was during a Wednesday matinee of Our Town, starring Pat Buchanan, that she ran into her old friend grandpa Joe. Grandpa Joe had worked at CBS with Ed Sullivan in the 50's and he and grandma had forged a friendship. Pretty soon the two were dating and in 1996 they were married and lived happily ever after.

My Third Birthday!!

2010-01-24T23:59:00.000-08:00

Well that was quick! Apparently after 18 months I've turned three.

Heeeeeeeeeeey... Wait just a second, something seems fishy here.

Cora Elizabeth Pape ( slightly bewildered )

January 24, 2010

Monkeying Around

2009-11-01T19:10:00.000-08:00

In my last film "Silly Faces," (still available on Netflix) I tried to show the dichotomy of war and silliness; perhaps no one did this better then the late Soupy Sales who had a pie thrown in his face for each fallen Vietnam vet. Rest in peace Soupy, you were one of this nation's greatest auteurs.

In my new film "Balcony" I try to explore the very delicate balance of being 20 stories in the air while dressed as a monkey - the symbol of the banana and its relevance to our escalation in Afghanistan cannot be overlooked. While I rarely talk about the deeper meanings behind my films I think you will all find it quite moving to see the dog (i.e. Afghanistan) reject the monkey. It's as though the dog is saying, "Go away, monkey! You can do no good here." I am saddened. I turn and walk the length of the balcony once more. I urge all of you to vote for "Balcony" as best picture of the year as it transcends the label of documentary. I cannot be categorized!

Cora Elizabeth Pape

Nov. 1, 2009

Elvis Has Left the Building and Entered the Bathroom

2009-10-28T21:37:00.000-07:00

Well my feud with Elvis has ended and I have to say he's much rounder than I thought. When he sits around the tub, he REALLY sits around the tub. But seriously folks, it's nice to have mommy back. Now please avert your eyes as I step out of the bath.

Cora Elizabeth Pape

(From the bathtub)

October 25, 2009

Why I Need A Mommy

2009-10-25T19:04:00.000-07:00

It's this simple: babies need boundaries. Just because mommy is away doesn't mean that I should be able to do whatever I like. When I say "daddy, I'd like to read a book," a commonsense answer might begin with "where?" Mommy thinks that way, daddy doesn't. I will continue my boycott of Elvis music until my mommy is returned from Memphis unharmed.

Cora Elizabeth Pape

(Still sad in Brooklyn)

Oct. 20, 2009

What Tha'?

2009-10-16T22:40:00.000-07:00

You know how every day since I was born mommy would come home from work and feed me milk? Apparently that's all changed under the socialist Obama regime. Now she just flies off to Memphis whenever she wants to have her picture taken at Graceland. Who knows when she's coming back. And what if she comes back an Elvis fan of the Vegas years instead of the earlier Sun Records career when Elvis was truly relevant? OMG!! What if the milk is gone? See this face? I can keep it going for at least a year! Bring milk or don't bother coming back.

Cora Elizabeth Pape

(The saddest baby ever)

Oct. 16, 2009

Run Boodles Run!

2009-09-27T22:06:00.000-07:00

As most of you know, daddy's birthday was on September 25th; I'm okay with that in that it doesn't interfere with my schedule, when it does he'll have to change it. Mommy got daddy a mop and hid it in the closet last week. I knew the mop gift wasn't going to go over very well so I worked on something to distract him. As readers of my blog know I began walking on Fathers Day, admittedly it doesn't get the attention it used to but it gets me where I'm going. Now running, well, that would be the next logical step - I just looked it up,that was a pun. So I got to thinking, maybe if I learned to run daddy wouldn't beat mommy over the head with the broom in a dramatic fit of rage ( see blog 17 titled "Dustbuster This!!") When daddy's birthday came around I was ready.

Mommy gave daddy the present at dinner, which is never really a good idea around here (see blog 26 "Tofu This!!") Daddy didn't get angry, in fact he said it was a lovely mop and he was proud that his wife felt that he was man enough to handle a tool like that, and then he stared silently out the window wondering where the last 49 years had gone. I quickly scrambled down from my chair and grabbed his leg, he turned slightly so he could see me, and then I ran!! I ran into the kitchen and bedroom and hallway and bathroom until daddy grabbed me and pulled me up into the air; he shouted "Boodles can run, Boodles can run!!" Then I kissed him on the cheek and he kissed mommy and we all snuggled up and watched "Cops" on TV.

Cora Elizabeth Pape

Sept. 28, 2009

The Boodles Tunnel

2009-08-15T13:47:00.000-07:00

I just had the greatest idea!! I think I'm going to allow all of the neat things that I saw down in the grating float around my brain for another nineteen years, then I'm going to buy a lot of spraypaint and paint the images in a tunnel really large. Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm... I wonder where I can find a tunnel.

Cora Elizabeth Pape

August 15, 2009

Recap

2009-07-28T23:59:00.000-07:00

In summing up, here are a few things I've learned during my first year.

First off - breathing. Breathing's very important. As most of you know daddy was born with Hyaline Membrane disease which is a non-elasticity of the lung tissue, he was placed in an iron lung backwards for a year with his tiny little baby feet sticking out; he's currently optioning the story to Lifetime.

Speaking of breathing, mommy and daddy have me taking swimming lessons. When is common sense going to make a comeback in this family? I'm a year old, just because the other little lemmings want to walk off the cliff to the sound of nursery rhymes doesn't mean I have to.

In baseball you should be able to run to first base while still carrying the bat, I just think it would liven things up.

Grandmas. Grandmas are great, they're like parents only they pick you up whenever you ask.

I just found out I have 27 cousins on mommy's side of the family. They were very nice to me on my recent trip to Denver. I have no idea what their names are so I've numbered them. Number 12 could've paid a little more attention to me but the rest were quite nice.

Walking is a hoot! Who knew?

Cora Elizabeth Pape

July 24, 2009

My New Pet!

2009-07-06T21:50:00.000-07:00

I've been begging mommy and daddy for a pet since the day I first drooled, but they said no. Luckily I have a wonderful grandmother who got me a frog. Not like the kind of frog you see begging in front of a french restaurant, little cup in their webbed hands, no legs. My frog is enormous and lets me sit in his mouth and play!

Happy summer everyone!

Cora Elizabeth

July 6, 09

Reporting from my balcony.

Father's Day 2009

2009-06-21T19:13:00.000-07:00

I wanted to give daddy a big father's day present today, but mommy wouldn't let me go to the store to buy him his favorite Robitussin (daddy drinks all four flavors). I was left without a present, which meant I had to think on my feet (pun definitely intended). Just for the record, I'm a crawler. I like the feel of the fine plush carpet beneath my knees and the firm wood floor under my fingers. Walking makes me feel disconnected from the tangible realities of our world. But that's just me. Daddy needed a present, and as I mentioned before, mommy was not cooperating. So I walked. Not just once, or twice, or even three times, but whenever he called. I'm exhausted. I see this as a metaphor for the demonstrations in Iran. If everybody just drank Robitussin, and walked for their daddies, it would be a wonderful world.

Cora Elizabeth

Blogging from her crib

June 21, 2009

"Kukla, Fran and Allah"

2009-06-07T22:19:00.000-07:00

After watching President Obama make his historic trip to Egypt I decided to become a Muslim. It gets a little tricky, five times a day I have to kneel and pray to Mecca (see above photo.) Daddy told me that last month was Ramadan - or as he says Ramadamadingdong, that meant I couldn't keep up my blog; not because of religious doctrine, I was just too tired from fasting. Turns out daddy was wrong about the date.

Praise Allah

Cora Elizabeth

June 5, 2009

"Penny For Your Thoughts"

2009-04-29T22:52:00.000-07:00

Daddy thought it would be funny to post this photo and tell everybody that I was blind and begging for change but then mommy and I talked him out of it. So, to repeat, I am not blind and I am not begging for change. I mean, a little change wouldn't hurt - but no, I am absolutely not begging.

Cora Elizabeth

April 25, 2009

Pun Fun

2009-04-01T19:07:00.000-07:00

Mommy has never made a pun before -- although she tries really hard, they just come out all wrong. For example, one time while watching golf, mommy said, "what a racquet!" and daddy said, "that's tennis, dear." On March 25, 2009, mommy not only made a pun, but it was captured on video! I have posted it here for everyone to witness it; who knows when we'll see another.

Cora Elizabeth (blushing)

March 25, 2009

Close Shave!

2009-03-14T21:56:00.000-07:00

Okay, funny story. You know how babies (of which I am one) love to imitate their parents? Well, the other day I was inspecting the bathroom floor that mommy mopped while daddy slept - wouldn't you know it, she missed two spots; but I've digressed. As I'm eyeing the toilet paper - which will be all mine one day - daddy whispers "Psst..Hey kid, you ever try shaving?" Well of course I hadn't tried shaving, although I did experiment with a loofah once - but that was a long time ago and the documents are sealed in that case.

Daddy leaned over and said "Here you go kid, knock yourself out, and don't tell your mother!" And with that he handed me the shaving cream and off I went, rubbing the cream all over my face. Then daddy said you'll need something to take that off with and he handed me his Gillette Super Mach 27 razor. The 26 extra blades are in case you miss the hair with the first one. Well shaving sure is fun!! Downward on the cheeks and upward on the neck. Anyway, after we got back from the hospital mommy yelled at daddy, and daddy yelled back that there would be no permanent scar, and sure enough there isn't. But I don't think I'll shave again.

Cora Elizabeth

March 14, 2009

Happy Birthday Joe!

2009-03-11T17:41:00.000-07:00

Daddy says it's Grandpa's 80th birthday and we should perform a

roast, I've written the following jokes for his amusement.

1. Grandpa's so old he's stopped teething!!!

2. Grandpa is so old that his crib mate was Methuselah!!

3. Grandpa is so old that he knows how to walk on two legs!!!

Oh, don't get me started !!

Drive safely everybody and thanks for coming.

Cora Shecky Pape

Mar. 11, 2009

Grandfava!

2009-02-07T23:01:00.000-08:00

As most of you know, daddy made me a mobile for Christmas that featured many of my relatives. He has asked me to write abrief description of each person's life, starting with Grandfava.

Grandfava is mommy's daddy. He was born in the 1940s in a far away land called Iowa; that decade was a wash for him. In the 1950s he dreamed of being a professional baseball player, but while he missed out on that he turned out to be terrific at girls' dodgeball. Grandfava was so good that there are still many adult women in Iowa with funny noses that remember him. Sadly Grandfava injured his shoulder while reading "Seduction of the Innocent" to learn which comics to burn, and to this day he dreams of opening the first museum dedicated to girl's dodgeball.

In the 1960s Grandfava went to war. After winning a competition with members of his platoon by spelling "doppleganger," Grandfava became a spy. He still keeps some of the advanced spy tools from the cold war. He has a pen that squirts ink on your shirt only to have it disappear ten minutes later. He also kept his fake plastic puddle of vomit - very important for a spy. In 1967 he was awarded the medal of valor for cracking the code of Petula Clark's hit "Downtown." Many men died after hearing the song more then ten times; this was considered a turning point in the war!

Grandfava came home in the 70s and went to school on the GI Bill. He received his degree in teaching people how to drive and to this day offers advice to many young drivers on the road.

Cora Elizabeth Goodwin Pape

Feb. 7, 2009

MIRK the Great!

2009-02-05T23:08:00.000-08:00

As you all know my daddy is a very famous graffiti artist, that's

right, his name is CRASH - no, I'm just kidding. Not a day goes

by when I don't say "Daddy, when will you paint my name on a

shirt?" He always says he'll do it but then he starts drinking the

Robitussin and the day slowly fades away. Then I put the blanket

over daddy and turn on the wii.

I never thought I'd get my own t-shirt until the other day when

the mailman bought us a package - daddy tipped him a quarter

and then opened it up. After letting me eat the wrapping paper

he pulled out a beautiful shirt painted by a real graffiti writer from

France named MIRK. Daddy said we should immediately put it on

ebay and sell it, that's when mommy came home. Mommy said I

could keep the shirt and wear it whenever I want.

Thank you MIRK, you're a better graffiti artist then daddy will ever be!

Cora Elizabeth

Feb. 5, 2009

First Sled Ride

2009-01-19T14:41:00.000-08:00

So daddy turned to me and asked me if I wanted

a helmet, wrist guards, knee pads, mouth piece

and a stunt double. I said no way daddy!! We're kicking

it old school!! And then he dropped me.

Next time I get the stunt double.

Cora Elizabeth

Jan. 18, 09

From the slopes of Fort Greene Park.

Christmas Dinner

2009-01-06T17:14:00.000-08:00

Christmas dinner in San Francisco, a blessed event with

cherubic kids singing carols at the door and the entire Ransom

family dressed to the nines - and then there's my dad.......

The in-laws must be so proud.

Cora Elizabeth

Dec. 25, 2008

On assignment in San Francisco.

Silly Faces

2009-01-01T00:50:00.000-08:00

First of all I'd like to thank the academy, it's very rare when an

oscar is awarded to a five month old; in fact the last big baby to

win it was Oliver Stone. I'd like to thank my mom - Elsa Ransom

who really gives me a chance to chew up some scenery; that's

pun number three for those of you keeping track. Of course my

father Chris Pape, who took time off from his turkey wrangling job

to film this anti-war epic.

For those of you who supported "Silly Faces" in local art house

theaters before the Weinstein brothers became involved; thank

you. And most of all to our boys in Iraq - this film was for you;

come home soon. Thank you everybody and have a great new year!

Cora Elizabeth

Dec. 21, 2008

From Hollywood

First Snow

2008-12-31T21:59:00.000-08:00

I'm not amused.

Cora Elizabeth

Dec. 20, 2008

Heyyyyyyy, Wait A Minute!

2008-12-02T18:12:00.000-08:00

I looooooooooove smoking. It's so much fun. Who knew?

Daddy says I'm to young to smoke, so I held my breath for

a week until he gave in. Now he buys me a pack a day. I'll

smoke anything; menthol, filtered, unfiltered - as long as

it's tobacco. My fingers are beginning to get that yellow

tint to them. Daddy says I look like Bette Davis, mommy

says " Who's Bette Davis? "

I've got to go, my cigarette is almost done and I have to light

up a new one.

Cora Elizabeth

Uh Oh.....

2008-11-25T21:11:00.000-08:00

Look out below!!!!!!!!

I guess someone's teething.

Cora Elizabeth

Nov. 25, 2008

Just Vote

2008-11-22T17:27:00.000-08:00

Well, today's the big day - today we're going to vote for

our first terrorist ( or, "terrorist American" ) for the office

of the president. It's so exciting! This morning mommy

dressed me in my favorite Osama, I mean Obama, onesie.

Then it was off to the polls.

I'm not allowed to say who mommy voted for but he wasn't

a war hero. After the voting was all over we went to Maggie

Brown to watch the returns and it was there that we celebrated

electing the nation's first Hawaiian president of the

United States.

Cora Elizabeth

Nov. 4, 2008

Halloween

2008-11-13T22:55:00.000-08:00

Well it's my first Halloween and all I can say is " Where's the candy? "

Mommy and daddy liked Halloween so much that they put me in three

different outfits, I have no idea why I put up with this. The first outfit

had me as a little Amish girl. This upset daddy who was mugged by

three Amish men and beaten with clogs on his last trip to Pennsylvania,

mommy took the costume back. My second outfit had me as a lima

bean until mommy pointed out that it was a pea pod outfit, daddy

declared it sure looked like a lima bean to him, and then the fight

was on. They finally decided on a duck outfit - that quacked them

both up. Heey, is that my first pun?

Oooh, I've got to go tell daddy.

Cora Elizabeth

All Hollows Eve

PS: You can always send candy to me care of daddy at 185 Clinton Ave 14G.

( I love Snickers bars )

My First Step ( Maybe )

2008-11-02T18:22:00.000-08:00

So here's what happened. Mommy and grandpa - or grandfather - I
mean - whatever ... So we went to the New York City marathon, or, I
should say, it came to us; thousands of crazy people running just
a block away, I quickly became inspired. I wanted to join the runners
but grandfather said he would only let me if I walked to them, and that's
exactly what I did! Then I took a nap.

Cora Elizabeth
Nov. 2, 2008

PS: Daddy says my first step doesn't count because he wasn't there.

Wipe Out

2008-10-22T19:41:00.000-07:00

I don't really know why daddy insists on doing this, one minute

I'm laying there waiting to be burped and the next thing you

know I'm in a scene from "The Exorcist". Anyway, daddy has

promised me a hip replacement operation for my fourth birthday.

Cora Elizabeth

PS: The DVD with deleted scenes is due to hit Blockbuster in May.

Uh Oh.....

2008-10-13T09:04:00.000-07:00

Well, I don't know what daddy did this time but mommy left,

in fact she leaves every day at 8:00 and comes back at 6:00 -

and she takes her breasts with her. And so my days are spent

with daddy.

Needless to say daddy has made a number of mistakes. The

first day mommy left daddy put me in the toaster and then

buttered a diaper. But seriously folks. It might not be a bad

time for a visit from grandma, either one, I'm not picky, maybe

a quick four year visit.

Cora Elizabeth

Oct. 13, 2008

Shea It Aint So

2008-09-25T15:21:00.000-07:00

Mommy and daddy took me to my first softball game. We went

all the way out to Queens with Aunt Jennifer and Edan to see the

Mets play. They loaded the bases three times in the last three

innings with no outs and scored only one run, and that run was

walked in!

The good news was that Carlos Beltran hit a home run, although

daddy quickly pointed out that it was in the wrong direction - see

above photo. Mommy pointed out that this might be the first incident

that I remember in a therapist's office.

Go Expos!

Cora Elizabeth Pape

Sept. 24, 2008

Yankees Win!

2008-09-22T16:25:00.000-07:00

Each year in the Fall daddy goes out west here he works as a

turkey wrangler. This time mommy told me we were going to

go someplace very special - that usually means the changing

table, but not this time, this time we went to the Bronx!!

Yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah Bronx!! Go Bronx!!

Oh yeah, then we went to this place called Yankee Stadium

where people get drunk and yell at the grass. But I loved the

Bronx. Everybody talked funny there. One police officer said

to mommy and Laura " Hey youse, get over dere on da

sidewalk, what's wrong which youse? " And mommy said the

police officer was violating her civil rights. Yeaaaaaaaaaaah!!

No civil rights!

The Bronx is so cool.

Cora Elizabeth Pape

Sept. 22, 2008

Atlanta - Part 3

2008-09-03T19:56:00.000-07:00

Well, here's why we went to Atlanta, it was aunt Jennie's wedding!

It's about time. Daddy says he was worried that she was going to

wind up with a house full of cats and a copy of "The Feminine Mystique."

But instead she gets a husband and I get a new uncle - and a lawyer.

Which reminds me of a joke my daddy told me while they exchanged vows.

What do you call a lawyer with an I.Q. of 10?

A lawyer. A lawyer, get it. Wait, there's a follow up.

What do you call a lawyer with an I.Q. of 50?

Your honor!! Oh that kills me.

I just about peed my diapers! Daddy's funny. Then he told me that six

penguins died trying to make grandpa's tuxedo, alright, he's not that funny.

Cora Elizabeth

Glory glory hallelujah!

Sept. 1, 2008

Atlanta - Part 2 / My Baptism

2008-09-01T19:11:00.000-07:00

One of the things to come out of the Atlanta trip was my baptism.

This may seem strange to some of the family since mommy and

daddy aren't terribly religious - except of course when daddy's on

the Robitussin. We went to the tomb of Dr. Martin Luther King -

not to be confused with Dr. Scholl's - and daddy dipped me into

the reflecting pool. Nobody's head spun around and no chickens were

slaughtered when mommy and daddy repeated my name and the

importance of the great Dr. King and the difference that one

person can make. On the trip home mommy said she would take

me with her when she votes for Barack Obama. There's supposed

to be a connection but I'm still to young to get it. Oh well, at least

I got my feet wet.

Cora Elizabeth

August 30, 2008

Atlanta - Part 1

2008-09-01T16:24:00.000-07:00

While I know I have new parents it doesn't take a

rocket scientist to know that I'm not baggage, and yet

here I am. Why does Luis Vuitton write his name on

so many things?

Cora Elizabeth

Daddy's Cold

2008-08-27T16:09:00.000-07:00

Daddy has a cold! Mommy says it looks like his nose has

turned into a clown car with all sorts of things coming

out of it. Daddy calls Robitussin his "sweet, sweet friend."

Mommy says he should be in a twelve step program, then

daddy says "I've got twelve steps for you alright!"

This is my first drawing. In drawing daddy's cold I've

eschewed the color blue that was so prevalent in the

works of the great masters. Daddy says it's because I'm

a great artist, but I didn't use blue because I ate the blue

colored crayon.

Next stop Atlanta.

Go Dawgs!

Cora " Basquiat " Elizabeth

Good Gifts / Bad Gifts

2008-08-22T12:12:00.000-07:00

Now c'mon, why on earth would Uncle Max think that

a matte knife would be an appropriate gift for a baby.

Look at the photo, do I look amused? I won't have the

strength to get the blade out until I'm six years old, and

by then matte knives will be soooo retro. Uncle Max says

that the matte knife is a metaphor for the war in Iraq.

Mommy said it's more like a simile and daddy said it

sounded like a homonym, then they had a few more drinks.

Now a good gift was the raggedy ann doll that Joan Blake

made for me, I love it because it has my name on it and

I'm trying desperately to brand myself at an early age.

I could definitely see a Cora Elizabeth fashion line. It's my

goal to be an icon without really doing much.

No more matte knives.

Thanks,

Cora Elizabeth

August 22, 2008

My Pretty Cousin Mather

2008-08-19T19:39:00.000-07:00

Last week Aunt Emily and Uncle Dan came to town and they

brought their daughter Mather with them. She's a year and

ten months old and is supposed to be very beautiful; I wouldn't

know because I can only see eight inches in front of my face.

As many of my readers know I've proclaimed myself to be the

most beautiful child in the world. This creates a slight problem

with the family dynamic - this kid is really supposed to have the

goods, big blue eyes, the works. Fortunately daddy took a photo

of the two of us together so you the public can decide.

It sure is a shame that it came out blurry - daddy has to work on

his f-stops.

Cora Elizabeth Pape (still the prettiest)

Why Mom and Dad Must Go

2008-08-15T14:37:00.000-07:00

It was only a matter of time before mommy and daddy got caught

red handed. In the above photograph you can clearly see them

trying to drown me! I was all alone having a lovely dream about

breast milk when the two of them grabbed me and said it was time

for my first bath. I have to tell you, this bath thing draws eerie

parallels to what's going on at Gitmo. I took a stand and said no

to their little water boarding exercise, but that wasn't good enough.

Daddy wrestled me to the ground while mommy turned up the water,

I endured the torture for ten minutes before they realized that I

probably didn't know anything.

I will dedicate my life to ending the barbaric practice that my parents

chose to foist on me - this thing they call a bath.

Fight the power.

Cora Elizabeth

Hey! I'm A Girl!

2008-07-24T12:40:00.000-07:00

Well, here I am. Look at dad with that goofy grin, he's smirking

because he didn't have to do anything. There were a few " you're

doing great honey " type remarks; that's just so patronizing. I'm sure

the doctor wasn't amused when daddy announced to the room that

he wanted to make the incision and then pulled out a plastic butter

knife from the cafeteria.

Now that we live in the information age my grandpa looked up other

famous people born on July 24th, it's a pretty frightening list. Leading

off is Barry Bonds - hey, I made my first pun. Daddy had them induce

me so I could be born on Yogi Berra's birthday but I out smarted them

and came the next day. - ha! Another person born on my birthday is

Zelda Fitzgerald, I'm not kidding. Gee, and I was so hoping it would be

Mary Hemingway. Way to pick 'em mom and dad.

Cora Elizabeth

BOOOORING

2008-07-23T18:07:00.000-07:00

C'mon people, let's get this show on the road! I just had an argument

with my placenta, it was so embarrassing, we haven't spoken in two

days. The upside is that with extra time on my hands I've been teaching

myself rope tricks with my umbilical cord. See you on the outside!